6 - Accountability

Where You Are

Where you are currently with your life, in terms of health, relationships, your main occupations, will be a result of many different factors, which will have an impact in your progress and well being.
Some of these factors we have no control over - from things surrounding you such as the place where you are born parents and family, neighbourhood to various other different aspects can can shape your life, such as the influences in your occupations through life (teachers, colleagues, employees, competitors, etc), government decisions, world events and much more.

As you grow older you will have control of more things, actions that impact your health, relationships (family, friends, partners), education path, career, family, skills, knowledge, etc. Let's look at some examples of things you have more control:

• Health: Exercise levels and nutrition.
• Relationships: Who you surround yourself with, time spent with people, boundaries and expectations.
• Career: Education and career paths.
• Personal: Self-growth, knowledge, habits.

Going Forward

Realising and focusing on what you can control, will empower you to stir your life in the way you want to. You are accountable for it, your future depends on it, by envisioning where you want to be and see what is in your control to make so happen. However, things outside of your control will still be there and those which is partial, therefore you can approach them in the following ways:

1- Accept things

This does not mean conform, but to accept it. This includes your previous actions, interactions,  events out of your control. Accept your childhood experiences, accept yourself as you are, accept the way people are, accept the way the world is. Then either you cannot do anything about it, or you can do things about it, if the latter, accept it then plan out how you will act, your response, see point 3. Without acceptance, it will only lead you to resentment, emotional responses, frustration and disappointment.

2- Be mindful of your choices

Your choices must be aligned in what you want. So if you want something to happen or get somewhere, your actions need to reflect it. Often you will need to look into the future and ask: Will this get me closer or further away (including time to do so) from my goals? You will need to know what you want for various aspects of your life.

3- Responsibility

Brian Tracy broke this word into two: "Responsibility = Response + Ability". What is your ability to respond to events? Especially when things are out of your control (example scenarios: an attempt at something that required major effort failed, your investment made you lose money, your health is declining, a partner leaves or cheats). How will you deal with this, what choices should you make to align you with where you want to be?

4- Self Awareness: Accountability and Acknowledgment

The same way external events can affect you, your actions can also have impacts on others, so it is important to be aware of it and hold yourself accountable. Apologise when you have to, know your limitations and weaknesses (so you know what to work on, rather than refusing accountability), embrace time management to see if you use your time efficiently or procrastinate towards your goals. This also go for positive things, by acknowledging the best of you, things you do for others, however how small. Self awareness helps us to make better decisions and have more clarity.

5- Blaming and Excuses

There are indeed unfair things that happen to us, and you can have 100 valid excuses why something has not gone the way that would be ideal, but in the middle of all these excuses, could you find a good reason to move forward and succeed anyway? Think, are there others with the same circumstances or similar who still managed to go on with their lives? Ask yourself these questions:

External Links:

Childhood maltreatment increases risk for personality disorders during early adulthood
Childhood verbal abuse and risk for personality disorders during adolescence and early adulthood
People who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult
Students whose parents did not go to college